If you look at the words “don’t smoke,” everyone figures I’m talking about cigarettes, or grass or hash; “don’t drink” - everyne think I’m talking about alcohol; “don’t fuck” - everyone figures I’m saying, “No sex!” Think about that! Think about the word “drink” : what does “drink” mean? Do you think that people would ever figure, “Oh, he wants people to no longer take any beverage, or any liquids of any sort”? But when the word “fuck” comes in, they cannot understand it the same way. That just blew my mind. What I was clearly discussing was abusive quest oriented, manipulative sex. People who were not interested in other people’s feelings, but only in getting off. I saw as a teenager that peoples energies were so squarely caught up in getting laid that a lot of pain and and hurt came out of it. I knew women who were raped by people who did not care for anything other than getting off. And I just thought that this kind of obsession was not healthy….
I thought I’d speak out against it, and I got a rise out of a lot of people. I am pro-sex, I certainly have no problem with sex between people who want to have sex. But I felt that so much energy in our scene was spent on selfish aims…
Ian MacKaye On Sex and Straight edge from Sober Living For the Revoluton.
What you fundamentalists straigt edge people need to understand is that people have sex for a variety of reasons: To express emotion, to feel good, to connect, to disconnect, and it is none of your business. Not all of sex is damaging, and damaging sex, like rape, isn’t sex. It’s power and dominance, an act of control, not passion. Not communicating well enough with your partner and hurting them emotionally and making them feel used(or just actually using them), doesn’t make anyone a slut, it makes that person a bad partner and a bad friend.